The third plane

Referring back to my last post about traits of the earlier planes of development recurring once the child moves to a later plane, made me think hard about the behaviours that my eldest (particularly last year) displayed as he moved from 11 - 12years.

Of course, this can't all, by some miracle, be put down to him stepping over that imaginary boundary from childhood into puberty, some of it is also down to a transition from primary school to secondary and with that, a huge amount more homework, responsibility, kit to carry, hours in school etc.

However, the one thing that frustrated me the most until I re read Montessori's philosophy on the four planes of development, was the fact he was so disorganised and forgetful. Particularly when, at two, he would spend hours lining up his cars, at six was methodically working through his work diary to complete the things that needed doing in his school day...
How can you go to school wearing two shoes, and come home with your trainers on but only one shoe in your bag?
How can you forget your homework that you were told to put in your bag straightaway?
How can you forget to take in your swimming kit for the day when you ALWAYS have swimming?
How can you be so tearful about something that seems contrite and in the next minute, you're fine again?
How can you possibly have so many colds?
And how can your eczema be so bad again? It's not been this bad since you were three!

So, I re read what she said about the 12 - 15 age group. How they were prone to mood swings and erratic behaviours, about how they lapsed in concentration and how, she in fact compared this period much like the toddler period of 3 - 6

The toddler becomes engrossed in activities and, if they are not ready to complete the task when asked, there can be quite a tantrum ensuing. They can go to the park with their favourite toy, but easily leave said toy behind on the swing.

Interestingly she states that the period from 12 - 18 is "the period of life in which physical maturity is attained is a delicate and difficult time, because of the rapid development and change which the organism must go through." (From Childhood to Adolescence as cited by Camillo Grazzini in the NAMTA journal Vo.20 no. 1 2004)
She not only means that the child can go through periods of physical illness, but there is likely to spiritual sickness too. It rings true that the teen is more susceptible to glandular fever or meningitis at this time, just like the toddler was at more risk for these illnesses before the age of 5,  than any other. Then there being huge hormonal changes that will bring around mental confusion.

So, it is with care and dilligence that my approach toward my newly developing teen is prepared as much as I can, with some reference back to how I would have approached a situation when he was three or four.

If he needed to remember things, I would have continually reminded him, so together we have all made place mats for breakfast time that I've laminated. On these are the lists of all the things they individually need to remember to take with them each day. We are preparing as much as possible the night before. There is still a strong element of structure and order to our home so that they know where things are in order to find them and put them back. They have chores which, I have been giving to them as a lump ie: they need to clean and feed the guinea pigs, dry up, get in the eggs, however, I am realising that it might be easier for them if the jobs were directly allocated so that each child had one area in which to care.
I have also made a concerted effort to give him vitamins each morning to limit the colds and 'maladies' that he gets.
I'm still incredibly fastidious about what goes into his body as I believe that much of their outer personality comes from their inner health (spiritual and physical). He currently keeps a food diary as we are eliminating dairy as a trial period to see whether his eczema improves, it also gives him a good overview as to his mood and sluggishness to see if what he has eaten may have had an effect.

I'm know there is a huge learning curve for all of us, but this is a start.
I know that our schooling system in the UK, does not cater sufficiently for this change in children at secondary school. At a time when they need to grow and sleep, they are on buses at 8am in the morning and working until 8pm at night. At a time when they need to be able to almost go through sensitive periods again, where boys, in particular, need to move to learn; they are put in rows behind desks and taught the same things for the same exams regardless of what they 'want' to learn. I think we have chosen a good school for our eldest. It appears to be nurturing and the pastoral care is outstanding. There are a huge range of activities on offer for them, although emphasis is, naturally, on striving to do the best they can.
There is a good grounding in truth and respect for others. There is a LOT of time spent outside, physical education, gardening and farming (yes, my son's school is getting cows!!! I was thrilled - but sadly they don't offer animal husbandry and horticulture lessons to the parents!) so they are aware of the need to engage in reality. If we can continue to foster his needs at home,  he will become a good man.

"Get out of my Room!"

I haven't blogged about the meaning behind Montessori's Planes of Development yet I know I have wibbled about them from a personal perspective, so I thought it was about time to set the record straight and explain, as best I can, what she meant.

Montessori saw the growth of the child to the flourishment of the man, to be split into four main stages: Stage one, for which many of us in the UK have most recognition, is the time she called 'The Absorbent Mind'.

The Absorbent Mind - Stage one

This period of the child, she explained, was a time whereupon the child is like a sponge. The mind absorbs all that is put around them, hence the title (she was a clever woman ;-)! She also frequently referred to this period as the Embryonic period. Yup, just like we call a developing baby in the womb, an embryo, she wisely saw that the child does so much development and learning outside the womb in those first six years, that they still require the title 'Embryonic'.

She further subdivided this stage into two: The Spiritual embryonic period from ages 0 - 3years and the Social embryonic period from ages 3 - 6 years. I will go into these in more depth on another occasion.

From Stage one, the child moved into Stage Two, referred to as "Childhood" (okay, so she wasn't quite so inventive with the title - got a bit Ronseal!).

Childhood - Stage Two

Childhood sees the child develop from 6 - 12. It's the period in the UK whereupon the child is in primary school, or elementary in the US. The child moves from the concrete to the abstract in reasoning and the period is a time of relative calm within the child.

Stage three is Adolescence and once again, she further subdivides.

Adolescence - Stage Three

The first period of adolescence is 12 - 15 years and she calls this Puberty. It is a period of disquiet once again as the child begins to test boundaries and has a plethora of hormones that can create mood swings and lapses of normal concentration. In fact, she likens this period to the toddler years due to the apparent 'tantrums'. This explains why my 12 year old has come home from school on at least two occasions, without his school shoes! 

The second subdivision of this stage is from 15 - 18 years and Montessori called this Adolescence. She noted that the adolescent was impressionable and full of ideas. They may 'attach' to good causes (or what are good causes in their eyes). The drive for independence at this age is as strong as it is at ages 0 - 6.

Most interestingly I discovered, was that she writes that it is an age whereupon children meet most resistance and from that resistance they can gain a flight into fantasy reaction. So it can be a cause of turning to obsessive video game culture or the need to dress like a particular pop star or idol. So where we see children becoming insular or more interested in fantasy than reality and we say 'it's just a teen thing' or 'typical teenagers', maybe it is cause and effect rather than a genetic pre-programming towards video games and unsuitably clothing or behaviours. The environment becomes less prepared for them in a time when it needs to be AS prepared as it was when they were in that first stage.

The more you read about this period, the more fascinating it becomes. The 'Erdkinder' was a product of her desire to provide the correct type of environment for these young people to enable them to feel empowered and unpressurised. The Erdkinder is built on her realisation that a child needs to develop 'life skills' and that these may be best achieved away from the home on a farm or similar. Ironically in the 21st century, this period is when they are are their most vulnerable, feel under most pressure and yet society has chosen this age to be the best age to add to that pressure by creating GCSE and A level exams at the 15 - 18 age!  I am going to write another blog post on the Erdkinder at a later date, but for now, feast your eyes on the Hershey school in Ohio!

Stage Four was Maturity from 18 - 24 years.

So; we are moving from a period of relative calm in our house whereupon we have had, for the first time, all three children in the same plane of development and, from an observation perspective, it has been exactly that, relatively calm. The younger one is now able to be sociable with the older two, the older one is able to play with them, or remove himself if he doesn't wish to join in and the middle one is happy there is a sibling either side and doesn't seem to mind which way he goes!

However, we are closing the door on that chapter and already I am beginning to see elements of change. The oldest is now at secondary school in the UK. He is more tearful than he has been. He is more aware of himself and his place within his peer group. He has mentioned his looks on more than one occasion. One of the things we are beginning to feel we need to find boundaries for is the respect for personal space. They have been fairly easy going and tolerant upto now about visitors to their rooms, however, the eldest is at a point where he wants some downtime away from his siblings and, also doesn't want to return home to find he has been visited by a magpie!

So last night we had a small family conference on the top of the stairs after an altercation resulting from this exact problem. I was racking my brains as to how I could deal with this in a positive light and ensure that they were heard and were able to form their own solution to the problem. 

I gave them floor space each to put forward this point and from this they needed to democratically decide how to approach this and what the boundaries were for going in and out of each others' rooms. 

The result was, for now at least, calm and harmony. Tonight they are going to make each other a door poster that state the 'rules' that need to be observed for privacy. 

Independence = Liberty = Discipline at whatever stage of development. I am gradually learning what my 'job' is as an adult of growing boys/girls, how it is not so very dissimilar to having a 3 year old. I still need to set prepare the environment in order for them to carry out the task and achieve independence, in this instant my role was to prepare the forum for them to discuss and to facilitate their plan.